Since I was a little girl I always dreamed of living somewhere other than NY. Not that I don't like NY. I do, I think it's great to have a big city so close with the shopping and entertainment and restaurants and also be 30 minutes from the beach, I just don't feel like it's somewhere that I want to spend the rest of my life.
With my lung problems I get sick often. Mostly when the weather goes from one extreme to the other and especially in the freezing cold of winter. It sometimes hurts to even go outside because breathing in the cold air irritates my lungs.
Unfortunately my entire family is here in NY. I have family in other states, but the family that I care about most is right here in NY. I also have some of the best friends that I could ever ask for. I've had three friends who have been with me since I was about 4. They are the best friends anyone could ask for. Along the way I have met other people, Beth, Dawn and Danielle to name a few and then from nursing school I met Cathy who has turned out to be as close and as important to me as my friends that I grew up with. I feel like leaving this behind would just be crazy. But I also have a feeling that if I do move to a warmer climate that I will feel better.
My family thinks that I should live in NY for a year after graduation and see how I am healthwise because I won't have the stress of school on me. Stress does play a major role in when I get sick, but it is not WHAT gets me sick. Stressed or not, the winter sucks and I can't stand it. I almost feel like being a hermit from November-March when it is cold out and thats no way to live life.
My sister and brother-in-law also recently made me Godmother of their soon to be baby. I cannot explain how excited I am and I feel like leaving would be a dissapointment to them. I have to keep reminding myself that I can still visit as much as I want and keep in touch via phone and e-mails. Being there 24/7 isn't necessary part of being a Godmother.
I am going to San Diego in March for spring break (as long as I don't get sick and need IV antibiotics during that time). I really want to go and take a look around because there is a chance that I may just go and give myself a year and figure out if I am better there or here. There's parts of me that know it would be smarter to stay here another year, not to wait and see if my health changes being out of school, but more so to save money so that it would be easier if I decided to go. However there are other parts of me that are screaming from the inside telling me to just go. I'll obviously make sure I have a job before going anywhere, so money shouldn't be a HUGE problem. I will have to live paycheck to paycheck for the first few months but I think in time I'll be okay. I can also start saving some money while I'm here and working. Growing up is hard, growing up with a lung disease that does better in certain environments (not the one you currently live in) is even harder :(